Lately, it's come to my attention that I am absolutely terrible at managing stress. I'm not sure why this is and I wouldn't have even thought of it as a problem but a lot has happened in the last week. I've taken on a lot more in my work lately. Not only with writing and contests, but editing as well. It's a little crazy when I think about how much time I spend just writing and now I've added more.
I like the work, though. Don't get me wrong. I'm one of the lucky people who gets to do exactly what she wants all day. It's a passion and it makes me happy.
That doesn't mean that deadlines and scheduling doesn't make me want to tear out my hair.
In addition, I decided that I'm going to start volunteering with some of my time. Working a regular job didn't pan out so well, thanks to my spells, but I thought it would be nice to get out of the house once in a while and do something productive for my community. I live right across the street from an elementary school, so I thought I'd go volunteer there. Unfortunately, when you walk into a school with no children and without knowing any of the teachers you come off as a bit of a creeper. Who knew?
My next options are the Rec Center and the local hospital. I like the hospital idea but it's kind of far away. The Rec Center is within walking distance but I'm not sure what I would be doing there. I also looked into working for the actual school district as an Teacher's Assistant or something like that, but I don't have enough schooling. I'm going to be going in the Spring...I wanted to go this Fall, but one thing happened right after the other and I ran out of time.
All in all, I thought I was doing okay managing my stress. There are tons of plates in the air, but I thought I was balancing them out nicely...
Last Thursday there was a death in the family. My long-term boyfriend's grandpa passed away. I didn't know him very well, but in the minimal amount of time I did get to enjoy him, I came to love and admire the man. He was one of those guys who could light up a room, just with his big, mischievous grin.
The week before that, my Aunt passed. I didn't post anything about that here, or anywhere else. Honestly, I thought I was coping, but now that I've had time to process the finality of that sentence...it breaks my heart. My Auntie Dee was amazing. We used to visit her when we were kids. We visited all of our aunts, but Auntie Dee was special. She's the one I told stories about. She's the one whose house was a hub of familiar traffic. She was a cornerstone in my life even though I lived states away....and now she's gone.
My insomnia is back in full force. I've had this damn eye-twitch for two weeks. I'm not eating right. My stress is definitely not handled but I don't know what to do to make it better.
I feel like screaming. I feel like breaking things. I feel like sleeping for days. I feel like polishing off that bottle of Jack I have in my pantry. But I can't. I don't know where that ends. And my Aunt wouldn't want me to fall apart anyway. No one wants that. I have things to do, I have to push through them.
But burying myself in work isn't the answer either.
So I'm taking it one step at a time. Writing, playing, working out. I don't know what else I can do.
This Deviantion is perfect in every single way. Drowning in one little word...
If you want to see more from this artist, you can find them here: http://namirenn.deviantart.com/
Namirenn. Stress. 2012. DeviantArt, Unknown. Web. 22 Oct 2012. <http://namirenn.deviantart.com/art/stress-284493231>.